


Have a Cup of Coffee (or Maybe Not)

by thecrimsonmonarch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 06:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4994023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecrimsonmonarch/pseuds/thecrimsonmonarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter is a terrible coffee-drinker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have a Cup of Coffee (or Maybe Not)

"Tom?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you're a Tom?"

"I  _am_ a 'Tom,' Harry."

"Well, yeah, but do you sometimes think your name isn't, well, _your_ name?"

"This you ask from a man who went through the trouble of making a coherent anagram out of his birth name because he didn't like it."

"Yep. See, I recognize the fact that you  _look_ more like a Thomas than a Tom, but you  _feel_ more like a Tom. Still, I personally think you shouldn't be a Tom or a Thomas-"

"I'd say the same if - Wait. Harry, what's that in your mug? Is that-"

"or a, or a," ***snicker*** "a  _Voldemort_ -"

"Is that _my_ coffee? How much have you had?"

"-'cause you're more like an Orpheus, or a Eurydice-"  

" _What?_ For the record, _Eurydice_ is a woman, and her husband _,_ _Orpheus_ , ends up getting cut into pieces and _thrown into a river_."

"Whoa, Homer, calm _down_. Jeez. But you get my point, don't you? Don't you?"

"The only thing I'm getting is the coffeepot. Which, I _just_ might add, contains coffee _I_ brewed for _my_ self - and only myself! - because _you_  have a terrible reaction to caffeine. Now, give it here."

"Hey! I do _not_ have a terrible reaction to caffeine. I'm just a tiny bit sensitive to its effects, that's all."

"Hah! I believe this is a perfect moment to use that expression you so like to use. Hmm, what was it again? Ah," ***finger snap*** "that's right: ' _Bullshit._ '"

"Oh ha-ha, very good. I'd clap if my hands weren't full."

"Alright, game's over. Give me the pot."

"Nuh-uh, you haven't played yet. I'll give it back if you give yourself a new name."

"The pot, Harry."

"The name, Tom."

 ***sigh*** "If you so insist on me having a new name, why don't  _you_ give me one?"

"HAH! Yes! _Oooh_ , I was hoping you'd say that. Get ready for a whole new you. Now, since Tom kinda suits you but kinda not, we probably should stick to something close, you know? Like... like the Spanish, and exotic - cue drumroll..."  ***slams pot down on the table*** " _Tomás."_

***silence***

"Well? Wellll? Am I great or what? Oh yeah I am, I really, _really_ \- Eh? What are you doing? Where are we going?"

" _I_  am not going anywhere," ***door opens*** "but _you_ are."

"Oh, come on! Don't be like this! You said I could name you!"

"You stay out until the caffeine wears off. Good night, Harry."

"Hey! You can't shut me out of _our_ room, Tomás!"

***door slams shut***

"Could've just said so if he didn't like the name. Picky git."

"I could still hear you."

"Exactly why I said it. Good night, Tomás!"


End file.
